Trapped
by mangaluver34
Summary: Not all cages have steel bars. Some are made entirely out of fear, hate, love, or loneliness. These cages are entirely real, and sometimes even more confining than material ones. -- Drabble collection, T to be safe, Review!--
1. Allen

AN: I got the idea from a book. The thing is that I do a bunch of drabbles about characters being trapped – whether physically, mentally, or emotionally. Each character gets their own drabble. Get it? Got it? Good. I own nothing. We're starting with Allen.

xXxXx

Allen stared down from the balcony at Lenalee, who was walking down below, looking beautiful. He had always loved her from the bottom of his heart, but he knew relationships were too risky. Friendship was hard enough, but love was out of the question. Allen tried as hard as he could to suppress his feelings, though they were very real.

Allen knew she loved him too, as a friend. If he was ever killed, the hole in her heart would be great enough. Shouldn't he minimize her pain, as a last gift? If he really loved her, he should never tell her, so she doesn't have that weight on her shoulders in the realistic situation that he died.

So he lied to himself, lied to her, lied to everyone around him, to ease their pain. But the toll that took on him caused greater pain.

Selflessness can blind you. It is a suicide.

But a beautiful suicide.


	2. Lenalee

Lenalee sighed, picking up coffee cups from various desks. It was another part of her job. Just something she had to do. No big deal.

She stared into the worn faces of scientists, some who going on their twelfth cup of coffee, their fifth sleepless night. All to provide her and her fellow exorcists with what they needed to beat the Akuma. Lenalee noticeably flinched out of guilt for them. She didn't deserve this many people working for her. She was fine with what she had. They really didn't need to do all of that for her…

But at the same time, would she seem ungrateful if she told people to stop and rest? Many of them were too kind to tell her if she seemed at all unpleasant, but she could tell. And she didn't want people to be disappointed in her. She was a perfectionist, and she also wanted everybody happy.

But there lied the paradox. If she continued quietly, ignoring the exhausted people around her, that would leave them tired and miserable in that way. But to tell people to stop their work would make them upset with her. Either way, they wouldn't be happy. It was a lose-lose situation. Lenalee couldn't stand it in the slightest.

She quickly finished refilling coffee mugs and hurried out of there, before she could upset somebody more than she had already done to herself.


	3. Lavi

The boy really had no name.

It was so sad, really, that that one charming, funny, smart boy lacked not only a family, a stable life, a childhood, but a name as well.

What was "Lavi" anyway? Just something to call him or sign with. Nothing special. Nothing worthwhile. Nothing that mattered.

Except…it did. He knew that his job was probably the most important one in the world, but did it have to strip all of that away? Even though he'd only been the Bookman's apprentice for about 11 years (the two had met when Lavi was orphaned at age 7) but he'd already forgotten his real name. His birth name.

Again, he tried not to let it get to him. But by sacrificing his name, he'd sacrificed his identity, his personality, and his life to be molded into some strange old man's version of "right".

49 names.

49 identities.

49 new lives.

49 wars.

49 records.

49 people.

Lavi tried as hard as he possibly could to be the best Bookman he could be, but subconsciously it tore him up. And then he met Allen, Lenalee, Kanda, and everybody else. Those people had complete names, identities. They could live their lives and make just as much of a difference as he was, but they got to be themselves.

At first, Lavi met them on autopilot. He was there as Bookman, nothing more. But then, heaven forbid, he began to enjoy himself. He gained friends. His personality shined through.

So, when the time came, he knew he'd leave his life for them.

And whatever name he ended up with at that time would stick. That would be the identity he'd live with.

And he'd finally be one person.

Just like everyone else.


	4. Kanda

Kanda closed his eyes and tried to keep his temper down as he listened to Lavi taunting him. Again.

He sighed. He had a very good reason to hate being called by his first name. He shivered at the flashback that crossed his mind as he thought of this.

As many people would have guessed, Yu Kanda had not had a good childhood. In fact, you might even call it a gift from god that he came out of it alive. He turned away from Lavi so he wouldn't see the wave of pain showing on his face. No, not good at all…

Of course, Kanda had never told anyone about his life. Why should he? Why did they have to know? He didn't need their sympathy. He was there as an exorcist. He was there to save the world from a growing inhuman darkness.

Nothing more.

"Yo, Yu. What's the matter?" Lavi said with a smile on his face.

"Get away from me. I don't need you here."

"Oh, all hail lord Yu! Really, I don't have to leave just because you don't want me here," Lavi replied defensively.

Kanda turned away again. If Lavi only knew.


	5. Miranda

AN: I'm not dead.

xXxXx

She could do nothing right.

It was that simple. Miranda Lotto was hopeless. Everything she touched seemed to somehow blow up in her face. She wanted to help people, had that desire, but it was her talent (or lack thereof) that was all people saw. No one saw her personality.

And recently, nor did she. She had given up the ghost and just turned herself into a machine of attempted helpfulness, and every time she didn't end up helping, that machine would force her to apologetically grovel for others. If she had really shined through, people would see the real her. The kind, sweet, happy woman she used to be before she had given up on herself. Her life was held back by mistakes.

But after this phase, could she have gone back to her old self? Not really. She was not able to. The machine she had made herself into had no off button. Miranda Lotto had had a breakdown. Simple as that. Everyone had seen it coming.

After that meltdown, her life had taken a huge turn into the Black Order. And so that begs the question, would she be a more successful exorcist when she was more "normal" or after she lost it? In fact, many believe that her new need to help people and do it right helped her life in the war.

But is a person's happiness something to surrender for only a single soldier?


End file.
